Beam me up
Let me be lighter, I'm tired of being a fighter


The World Which was Once so Bright is now so Dull // Kenden

irishchainsmoker:

Aiden sighs, his hand resting on Kennedy’s forehead for a few moments in order to feel for a fever before he pulls back, kissing her forehead lightly. He knew how hard Kennedy was fighting, how strong she was trying to be, and it killed him inside. There wasn’t a moment that passed that he wished he could switch places with her, that he could take her sickness and pain and put it into his body and let the cancer consume him instead. This was the only time he wished for cancer, but if it meant that Kennedy would be healthy again, he would have done it without thinking. He loved her that much.

When she asks for her doctor, he’s surprise, but merely nods in response, a weak smile flickering across his lips. “I’ll call and see if he can come.” He says softly, kissing her forehead again. “You rest. I’ll bring you water and something to eat in a few minutes.” With that, he leaves the bedroom, calling Kennedy’s doctor. After a short conversation, he fills a glass with water and makes Kennedy a small meal of half of a piece of toast with peanut butter and half of a sliced banana, bringing the food and drink back to her. 

"Here…let me help you sit." He murmurs as he puts a few pillows behind her back, helping Kennedy sit up some before he rests the plate in her lap. "Drink." After she takes a few sips from the straw, he motions towards the plate, nodding slightky. "I got ahold of your doctor. He said he would come over on his next break."

Kennedy watched Aiden leave the room and she leaned her head back against the wall. She let her eyes closed as she felt a tear fall down her cheek. She hated admitting that she needed help and she knew that Aiden was just going to worry more now that she asked for a doctor but she knew that she needed one. She wiped at her eyes when she heard Aiden coming back to the room, not wanting to have him see that she had cried. She was already embarrassed enough as it was that he had to pick her up off the floor.

Looking up, Kennedy smiled softly as Aiden came back into the room and thanked him when he put the plate in her lap. She took a few sips of the water and then slowly picked up the toast, taking a small bite from it. She swallowed the bite and then nodded. “Good. Did he say how much longer that would be?” She asked as she looked over at Aiden, offering him a small smile. Honestly, she hated making him worry about her and it makes her upset to know that he was obviously that worried.

She knew that she looked terrible. She was losing weight and looked like she was just skin and bones. This time around, she felt like she was being hit so much harder by the chemo then she was the first time but she knew she could handle it, she had before. She just needed to focus on getting better. She heard a knock on the door after she finished up her toast, letting it settle in her stomach.

(Source: kennedy-jones)

The World Which was Once so Bright is now so Dull // Kenden

irishchainsmoker:

Aiden was in his office working on a webpage commission, work he had been doing more and more lately in order to help him and Kennedy afloat when it came to expenses. It wasn’t that he disliked it - on the contrary, he enjoyed it a lot - but his mind was always more focused on his fiancee. He hated seeing her waste away in front of him. He hated seeing her so sicks. And most of all, he hated feeling helpless. He wished that he could take away her cancer and give it to himself so she didn’t have to suffer, he really did. 

The Irishman is broken out of his thoughts by the sound of Kennedy calling him, and within seconds he’s standing, moving quickly towards the sound of her voice. “Kennedy…ssh, love, I’m here.” He says softly as he approaches, bending over and scooping her up in his arms. “I’ve got you.” Holding her body close, he carries her to their bedroom, carefully laying her down in their bed. “Do I need to call your doctor?” He asks after she’s tucked in, a concerned look on his face as he looks down at her. “Be honest with me.”

Kennedy leaned into Aiden as he carries her into their bedroom. She shook his head and looked at Aiden as he laid her into bed. “No..no, I’m okay…I just lost my footing.” She said, hoping that something in Aiden would cause him to believe her when she said she was okay. In reality, Kennedy was not okay and she didn’t know if she ever really would be okay, at least not until her cancer was gone again. But she knew that the chances of her beating the second round of cancer had gone down by a lot and she was terrified of not surviving.

Closing her eyes, Kennedy let herself sink into the bed, hoping that if she thought hard about it, she would disappear into the mattress.  She opened her eyes to look at Aiden. She hated that she was doing this to him, that she was putting him through this again. Looking at him made her want to fight again, wanting to beat it. Aiden had already lost so many people in his life that she didn’t want to be on that list. She sighed and looked at him. “Perhaps…calling my doctor wouldn’t be the worst thing…but maybe he can come to me…” She said, admitting for the first time that she might be too weak to get there on her own without Aiden having to carry her.

(Source: kennedy-jones)

The World Which was Once so Bright is now so Dull // Kenden

Kennedy sat herself down in front of the mirror in the bathroom. She stared at herself, bald head and all. She wondered what her life would be like without the cancer. Would she still have met Aiden? Would she have been married to someone who didn’t truly love her? She honestly didn’t know. She wondered if she even wanted to know. She had found someone who loved her.

Though she knew that she should be happy that she found someone to be happy with, she still felt like her life was being taken away from her. She felt like she couldn’t go anywhere or do anything, not like she used to. Just yesterday she had to take a leave from work because she didn’t feel like she could go in and that hurt her. She loved her kids and she felt like she was letting them down by not being there.

She sighed as she pushed herself up from the chair and she used the counter for support. With all of the treatment she had been going through, she had lost a lot of weight and had been getting weaker and weaker. She took a step, letting go of the counter for just a second. She felt herself stumbling before hitting the ground. She cried out and let herself lay there, not having the energy to lift herself back up. She felt hot tears slipping down her cheeks. She pulled her legs up as far as she could and cried. “A-aiden…” She called out.

2 weeks ago with 5 notes

Just shave it // Kenden

irishchainsmoker:

Aiden nods in agreement, smiling as Kennedy makes herself comfortable in bed. “I’ll put water on for tea as well.” He says before he walks off, going to make them breakfast, making sure to make the tea that Kennedy liked. It surprisingly helped with her nausea, which was something that was hitting her pretty hard this time around. He hated that he couldn’t do much to help her, but he tried his hardest whenever he could.

As Kennedy rushes off after she eats, Aiden frowns, waiting a few moments before he follows after her. He waits for her to finish throwing up before pulling he flushes the toilet, helping her sit on the closed lit. “Feel better?” He asks, offering her a small smile as he goes to get some mouthwash, offering the cap to her. “Rinse and then we’ll go back to bed and you’ll finish your tea.” He instructs, pressing a light kiss against the top of her head. “I’ll make you some toast or rice or something instead, alright?”

Kennedy nods as she takes the mouth wash from him. She knew he was trying his best and she appreciated every bit of it. She also knew he new what she was dealing with and a part of her relaxed a bit because of that fact. She nodded as she washed her mouth out, trying to get rid of the taste of bile in her mouth. She spit it out and stood up from the toilet seat, leaning onto Aiden as she walked to the bed. She knew that should could count on Aiden to be there when she needed him, knew that he would come running, or walking quickly, to her if she were to call out to him and Kennedy didn’t know how to say thank you for that.

"Some toast would be nice actually." She said smiling to him. She sat in bed and closed her eyes, trying to get her world to stop spinning. There was a knock at the door of the apartment and she listened to see if she could tell who it was by sound. She heard the door open, a few muffled voices before footsteps stopped at the door and a shocked gasp came from both of her parents seeing her bald. Her eyes went wide and she pulled the covers up over her head to try and hide it from her parents even though she knew they had already seen and probably put two and two together. "Hi mom..hi dad…" She said as she peeked out from underneath the covers.

(Source: kennedy-jones)

Just shave it // Kenden

irishchainsmoker:

Aiden shrugs at Kennedy’s suggestions, not really sure who they could ask. “There’s no harm in asking, I suppose.” He says with a shrug as he rinses off, stepping out of the shower with Kennedy once he’s all clean. He dries himself off quickly, wrapping the towel around his waist. When he hears Kennedy speak, he walks over to her, pressing a light kiss against her shoulder lightly. “Yes, love, you are.” He murmurs before he takes her hand, pulling her out of the bathroom with him. “Why don’t you make yourself comfortable in bed and I’ll make us breakfast?” He asks, smiling over at Kennedy as he sits her down on their bed.

Without waiting for a response, Aiden drops his towel, walking over to their dresser to grab a clean pair of boxers. He steps into a pair slowly, slipping a plain white v-neck over his head as well once he’s finished, turning to look at Kennedy again. “I’ll be right back. Make yourself comfortable, love.”

"The worst they could say is no right?" Kennedy said and blushed a bit as he confirmed what she had thought she said to herself. She dressed herself up in a clean pair of pajamas and smiled softly towards him. "Sure, I would really like that babe." She said as she got comfortable on the bed. She sat up, legs pulled up to her chest and let her head rest on her knees.

Once Aiden had brought the food in, she could smell the pancakes. She grinned, letting her knees down so she could eat easier. She thanked Aiden, kissing him before cutting into the pancakes. She started to eat until she was done. Moments passed before she started to feel nauseous. She quickly got up from the bed and ran to the bathroom, leaning herself over the toilet and heaving the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

(Source: kennedy-jones)

Just shave it // Kenden

irishchainsmoker:

Aiden smiles, kissing the back of Kennedy’s neck lightly before he speaks. “Whatever you want, love. The only person I need at our wedding is you, really. I wouldn’t have anyone to invite anyways.” He points out, a soft sigh escaping his lips as he presses his fingers into her skin more. “I believe that we would need a couple of witnesses though, although I’m not sure. Americans do things so strangely.” He chuckles at that, a smile playing on his lips as he turns so Kennedy can wash his back.

"I’m alright." He murmurs in response to Kennedy’s question, sighing softly as her fingers press into his skin. "I’m always tense, love. It’s just in my nature, I suppose." Once she finishes he turns again, facing her. "C’mere, love." He murmurs, motioning for her to come close for a kiss. "I love you."

Kennedy sighed a bit, rolling her eyes but relaxing into Aiden. “Yeah we need like two people. ” She said as she looked towards him. “I wonder if those two next door will do it. What’s their names…Maggie and Jackson? The ones we saw at chemo. Or maybe that social worker and her little playmate from down the hall.” She said, thinking out loud. She made sure his back was soaped up before smiling softly, kissing him back. “I love you too Aiden.”

She stood under the water with Aiden for a little while before shutting the water off and giving Aiden another kiss and grabbing them both a towel. Kennedy dried off and stepped out of the shower, moving towards the mirror. She stared at herself, a hand running over her newly bald head. She let out a sigh and offered herself a small smile. “You’re still beautiful.” She whispered to herself, wondering if Aiden had heard her.

(Source: kennedy-jones)

Just shave it // Kenden

irishchainsmoker:

Aiden smiles as he kisses Kennedy back, his arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her body into his more. He lets the kiss go on for a while longer before he needs to pull back for air, taking a breath as he leans his forehead against hers. “I love you.” He murmurs, smiling as he kisses the tip of her nose lightly. “So very much.”

Pausing, he takes a step back, reaching for their bar of soap. He motions for Kennedy to turn around, soaping up her back carefully and massaging away the knots in her back as his hands run along her skin. “So tell me, love, when do you want to get married?” He asks, pressing his fingers into her soapy skin. “What kind of wedding do you want?”

Kennedy smiled against Aiden’s lips. She hummed happily towards him. “I love you too Aiden. More then words can say.” She turned around and sighed happily as he started to massage out a lot of the knots that are in her back. She smiled softly. “Mmm magic hands you have there Aiden.” She grinned happily and then shrugged. “I’m not sure really. I mean I’ve had my big wedding already. I don’t think I really want to have another one. Maybe we can just have one of those go down to the courthouse thing?”

Kennedy shrugged some and grabbed the soap from Aiden telling him to turn around. She washed his back for him and set the soap down, massaging into his back feeling a large amount of knots in his back. “You’re tense babe. Are you alright?” She asks and smiled softly at him, kissing his shoulder gently.

(Source: kennedy-jones)

Just shave it // Kenden

irishchainsmoker:

"I would never keep you waiting, love." Aiden says with a smile as he starts to run the razor along his chin, shaving away any bits of scruff that was on his face. "You will always be beautiful to me, Kennedy…no matter what." Smiling weakly, Aiden nods, rubbing his now bare chin, "I mean that."

Clicking the razor off, the Irishman steps out of his boxers, kicking them off to the side. He climbs into the shower carefully, wrapping his arms around Kennedy’s waist, pulling her body close to his. “I mean it, Kennedy. I want to be with you no matter what happens. Nothing will keep us apart now,..not time or distance or cancer or anything of the sort. That I promise you.”

Kennedy smiled to herself, listening to Aiden talk to her about how he thought that she was beautiful. She  heard the razor turn off and then felt Auden wrapping his arms around her waist. She hummed happily and leaned back against him, body pressed into his. “I hope you can keep that promise Aiden.” She whispered and closed her eyes, letting out a deep breath as she turned around and pressed her face into the crook of his neck. She wrapped her arms around his neck before looking up and drawing him into a kiss. “I love you Aiden. So much.”

This isn’t how she had expected her life to go. If she was being honest, she was expecting that she would end up alone and dying that way, maybe with a few cats to keep her company. She had Aiden though and though she was sick again, she felt like she could beat the cancer and finally live her happily ever after that she thought she deserved. She let her hands move to his sides and rub up and down them as they kissed.

(Source: kennedy-jones)

Just shave it // Kenden

irishchainsmoker:

"Mm…thank you, love." Aiden murmurs as Kennedy takes the razor for him, making himself comfortable as he focuses on the familiar buzz of the razor. He becomes keenly aware of the cool air against his scalp as his hair starts to fall, letting his eyes slide shut as Kennedy continues to shave his head. When the razor clicks off, he opens his eyes, smiling as she comes around to kiss him. He kisses her back slowly, only pulling back when she does, standing as she takes his hand.

"You get started in the shower…I do believe that it’s best that I finish shaving. I look a bit silly right now, don’t you think?" He asks as he rubs his jaw, his fingers going over the scruff that lined his face. "It should only be a minute." Smiling, he turns to look at Kennedy, nodding as he takes her in. "Of course I do. You’re beautiful to me no matter what."

Kennedy smiled softly. “Yes, I suppose you do look a bit silly but I love you nonetheless.” She said, watching him and nodding. “Don’t keep me waiting okay?” She murmured and made sure the water was the right temperature. “Promise? Even when I get super skinny and am puking over the toilet because of the chemo? Still beautiful?” She asked, slipping out of her pajamas and into the shower, adjusting the water a bit as she let it run over her body, feeling the splash coming off of her now bald head.

Being aware of what was to come was slightly comforting to Kennedy. Now, she knew that people would stare when she stepped outside, that people will give her things or let her cut in line. It was cancer perks. People felt sorry for you and suddenly things got a lot easier to get or do and Kennedy hated it. She didn’t want to be treated differently now that she was sick and the lack of hair was what gave that away. She had tried wigs once but never really liked them, opting for scarves instead. She heard the razor turn off and she scooted away from the water to give Aiden enough room to get in.

(Source: kennedy-jones)